Some people look back on their schooldays with great fondness while others shudder to recall harsh teachers and playground spats. But if you were to conduct a survey, you would probably find that most of us have a mixture of positive and not-so-happy memories.
However, for children with special needs, especially those with a neurodiversity such as autism, ADHD or dyspraxia, going to school can be such a stressful experience that every day feels like a nightmare.
Going to School is a Sensory Experience
“These young people often experience sensory overload from the minute they wake up,” says Jolene Ironside, a therapist who specialises in working with neurodiverse adolescents. “They have to put on a uniform that might have scratchy labels and go to a place with bright lights, noise and strong smells. They might have to sit still when they need to move and also try and fit in socially.”
The result, she says, is that these pressures can build up inside until eventually, the child can no longer cope. The result might be meltdowns at home, especially if they’ve been masking all day or, alternatively, they might shut down and become uncommunicative. For some children, the prospect of going to school day after day becomes so overwhelming that they can no longer make themselves attend.
Trauma Often Shows up in Year 7
Jolene is one of the directors at Divergent Life, an organisation that offers therapy and support to neurodiverse individuals and groups, focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses. As such, she often works with youngsters who are experiencing school trauma.
“The transition between primary and secondary school is often when trauma raises its head,” she explains. “Primary schools are usually quite nurturing but at secondary school, it’s very different and it tends to be a large, busy environment where children have to change classes and teachers several times a day.
“This can cause a lot of damage to a child’s self-esteem because they’re trying so hard to fit into a system that isn’t made for them. They might think, ‘Why can’t I do what I’m supposed to?’ or ‘Why can’t I be like everyone else?’ They can internalise the stress – which often shows up as tummy aches or headaches.”
A Bright Future is Possible
It can take a while, Jolene points out, for a young person to overcome school trauma. When working with a teenager in this situation, the most important thing, she says, is establishing trust and a rapport. This is due to the fact that they have probably been in a state of ‘high alert’ for some time, they need help to regulate their own nervous system and to feel comfortable and ‘safe’ in their own bodies.
Supporting young people has many facets. “I use the arts in my work because it is often easier for a child to show you how they feel than to tell you,” she elaborates. “I aim to help them understand themselves and to work out what will make them thrive rather than just survive. Social relationships can often be difficult for neurodiverse people but I help them to identify how they experience friendships and what they need from other people.”
“I also work with parents and schools, advocating for the young person,” she carries on. “I want to know what the environment is like for them and whether any adjustments can be made. What’s going to take the pressure off and help them to fit in?”
Challenging for Parents
It can also be stressful for families of children who are struggling with school, Jolene has observed. “Everyone’s situation is different but it can help to validate the child’s experiences by really listening to them and trying to understand how they feel. You might also approach the SENCO for advice or find a neuro-affirming therapist who works with families.”
Parents also have to be careful that their own anxieties don’t ‘rub off’ on the young person and exacerbate the situation, Jolene cautions. “You might worry that they’ve got GCSEs coming up or think, ‘Am I doing the right thing?’ It can be difficult to go against the norm but I tell people to parent the child they have – don’t worry what everyone else is doing.
There are plenty of success stories of young people who have overcome traumatic experiences and gone on to study or work. It can take time for them to process their experiences and although it doesn’t happen overnight, they do get there.”
