When we mask, we camouflage and present a different reality to the world. The neurotypical population may mask to ease their nerves on their first day at school or adapt their image in a job interview. It may be used without thinking, when the corners of truth need trimming into something more socially acceptable.
In a neurodivergent world, children with ADHD and ASC (Autism Spectrum Condition) may use masking practices regularly to fit in, possibly altering their speech, tone, eye contact or reactions, in the hope they will not be labelled as strange or different.
What We All Need To Know
If used as a frequent prop, masking can be draining and can also impact on a person’s well-being, translating into anxiety and sometimes depression.
As autistic children navigate their way through the day, seeking acceptance, they may wonder:
- What did that look mean?
- Why is everyone laughing?
- Do I look odd?
- How should I respond to that?
Eleanor, mum to Max, now 18 notes how her son masks when conversing. “Conversations and answering questions are challenging. He avoids responding, his breathing changes. I know the signs. He may trail off when unsure about what he is expected to say, and then just agree to something he wasn’t ok with because he thought that was what he should say, most likely because in his mind he feels he could be letting people down.”
Masking can also serve children with ADHD similarly, as they often need to suddenly steer random changes in their behaviour, amidst regulating their emotions and responses. Masking can provide a quick-fix strategy to avoid the discomfort that can come with living in a neurodivergent world.
Embrace & Accept
The word inclusivity is part of today’s culture, so why should a child with ADHD feel the need to change? Acceptance of self can be uplifting, liberating, and may allow the mask to slide. Whilst children need help to find a comfortable place where they can exist alongside others, if they do it as they embrace the core of who they are, they may gain a sense of freedom. They might also care much less about how they are viewed by others. But how can this process begin?
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, how can parents create some order in what may feel like their child’s disordered world?
Triggers initiate masking. Once highlighted, strategies can be considered to reduce the impact. Sensory stimuli such as noise, an unfamiliar smell or bright lights can consume ASD children. Frequently, ADHD triggers are activated by specific foods or additives, lack of sleep or again by sensory overload.
Eleanor recalls, “Max is triggered by taking medication. It overwhelms his senses; he can’t tolerate it. He has been known to tell a doctor that he can take any medication. I have witnessed this and want to say ‘No, you can’t’!”
“We have grown and learnt together; now I have a code phrase, which allows Max to signal that I can help him with a conversation when he is masking to please others.”
“With his communication challenges, he has found his own pattern of speech. He is still finding his way, and I am hopeful eventually he will be more independent with this as he gets older.”
Ensure Support & Relaxation
A wall of support, including people who accept them as they are, without question, expectation or judgement, can offer protection for a SEND child. This is important for parents too, so everyone has a zone where they can interact, laugh, cry, talk, share or just be.
Mindfulness, art or music therapy can provide welcome outlets for young neurodivergent people. Finding a trusted place to encounter a sense of calm can go a long way towards helping children recalibrate and find inner peace.
“Find something that they are good at and nurture it, whatever it is” reflects Eleanor. “Max loves to create plastic models and paint them; it’s helped him so much.”
“It’s good for me to relax too. I often zone out in my own space. I might read or do some gardening. Bringing a pet into the home has also been such a blessing; our cat is our world.“
- Keep Talking
Words are powerful. To keep communicating as a family, interacting, sharing and understanding, will open doors to a brighter future. “I have learnt to do things at his pace”, Eleanor considers. “He has processed and learnt in his own time. Changing my own expectations has been a big part of my journey” - Keep Reaching Out
Our neo normal culture makes it easier to reach out for help from people those that won’t judge, those who just get it. A SEND charity, a SEN tutor, support worker or therapist, could all provide a platform to share experiences. Reaching out can be an empowering process; like gathering puzzle pieces, and then putting them together to form a picture. Eleanor suggests that it may take a while to find the support that clicks for you. “I have found it so useful to talk to autistic young adults who have experience and can talk openly. If there are any avenues where SEN young people have a platform, it is invaluable. I often visited an ASD/ADHD centre where parents and carers could talk freely with neurodivergent community members; it was inspiring.” There are ASD and ADHD centres in many locations; it may be worth searching to see where your nearest one is situated. Max has come on leaps and bounds. He has gained GCSEs and is soon to start college. “His identity has strengthened with age, and he has become more and more comfortable with himself,” Eleanor recounts. “He accepts himself, who he is, and what his ASD means. I guess he has found that happy way of living, that fits into society, without bending to society.”
It’s 2024. The parameters are shifting. We all have a right to be included and a responsibility to be inclusive. Social and political climates are evolving quickly, and the narrative is changing. This beam of light for the SEN world is being welcomed with open arms.
As we await more positive changes, Eleanor reassures, “It’s my life, my child, my family. I’ve found my way, and I ‘m sticking to it. I am happy to say my son has been unashamedly autistic for years, and is a contented, well-adjusted young man.”
